When I was younger I wanted to stand on my own two feet. I didn’t want to “owe” anyone. It was a matter of pride and self-sufficiency, and maybe a little fear. What if the person I relied on left me, or died? And maybe there was another side. What if someone needed me? What if I couldn’t measure up? What if I didn’t want that person to need me? When referring to other people, I would boldly state, “It’s ok to want, but not to need.” Need was a dirty word to me, a sign of weakness. Of course, at the time, I was blind to all the people I did need. The “self-made man” is a myth. And as I began to experience life more and more, I realized I needed more and more people. I had, of course, needed them all along, but didn’t want to believe it.
When I was younger, I was more of a control freak. I would try to steer things, forcing them into directions I wanted them to go. Over time, some of my efforts became miserable failures, and yet I still lived. I began to relax, realizing the best way to control was to release my death grip on things and flow with them, only controlling myself to adapt and flow better with it all. And I changed my beliefs.
When I was younger, I was more judgmental. I looked at people and if they didn’t fit my personal parameters of quality, I looked down my nose at them. Then one day I discovered astrology. People were different, and had very good reasons for being different. We weren’t supposed to be the same. Once again my beliefs changed. I opened up a little more.
And each time I opened up, and changed my beliefs, the universe became a little more wonderful. Of course, the universe has always been wonderful, but my beliefs had caused me to turn my back on the view.
When I was younger, I didn’t believe the world was a safe place, and the universe wasn’t on my side. But I wanted to believe otherwise. And out of that desire, that belief, over the years I saw evidence to the contrary. Events often worked out surprisingly well, all things considered. And I connected with the concepts of pantheism (http://wp.me/pJ9hq-2c). I understood everything had consciousness, and everything was connected, and the universe didn’t seem so alien and separate to me. Maybe it was even on my side? Or maybe I should say “our side”?
And when I was younger, I became a big fan of The Seth Material, reading all the books over and over, trying to bring the ideas into my daily life… so I close with an extended quote from a Seth book titled The Nature of the Psyche: Its Human Expression, Session 800, at the end of the last chapter:
“Nature is luxurious and abundant in its expressions. The greater reality from which nature springs is even more abundant, and within that multidimensional experience no individual is ignored, forgotten, dismissed, lost, or forsaken. A tree does not have to ask for nourishment from the ground or the sun, and so that everything you need is available to you in your physical experience. If you believe that you are not worthy of nourishment, if you believe that life itself is dangerous, then your own beliefs make it impossible for you to fully utilize that available help. In large measure, since you are still alive, you are of course nourished. You cannot close out the vitality of your own being that easily, and the vitality “squandered” on deeper bouts of depression is often greater than the energy used in creative pursuits. You are a portion of All That Is; therefore the universe leans in your direction. It gives. It rings with vitality. Then forsake beliefs that tell you otherwise. Seek within yourself—each of you—those feelings of exuberance that you have, even if they are only occasional, and encourage those events or thoughts that bring them about.”
The universe leans in my direction?
I like that.
I will encourage those thoughts.